Welcome to Indio!

     Have you ever seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite? That movie takes place in a small town called Preston, Idaho, where the main street is residential, kids aspire to work at the local chicken farm or motel, and duplexes reign supreme. I’ve found the “Preston of the West”. It’s called Indio.

     We’re staying at a three-star hotel in Central Indio in California. Let me give you a little look at what our room includes.

You can purchase threadbare sheets, lumpy pillows, scratchy towels and ripped comforters for these low prices!!! I’d love to purchase the coffee maker, iron and ironing board, but our room seems to be without those – yet somehow we have two fridges. 
One of these refrigerators even works!!!
Yaaaaay, warm, empty mini-bar!
This helpful sign lets you know that you have absolutely no control over the temperature of your room, but if you happen to get a little chilly, you can turn on one of these handy space-heaters!
It’s the size of my HAND! How HAND-y!!!
There’s ample space to store your clothes in the closet. You didn’t want to hang anything up, right?
If you did, we have FOUR partial hangers to use! 
OR you can stack your clothes on the shelf – just make sure they weigh less than 1.03lbs!
This hotel also features some soft lights for when you want to relax and enjoy the ambiance of your lovely room.
Doesn’t it feel great to be in the spotlight?
We even have a sliding-glass door with a beautiful view!
Do YOU want to know what’s in the bag? I sure don’t!
I don’t know about you, but I like it when the floor of the shower is an enticing shade of brown!
I also enjoy those mind-provoking games: You want cold water, you should turn the knob towards “Cold”, right? Guess again! Instead, you’ll be scalded!!
I learn by DOING!
Pain makes me learn FASTER!
This hotel even features high security!
Chains keep me safe. Whatever you do, do NOT press the button when you leave!
My button is missing – this expedites the process!
Thanks for not making me waste time, hotel!
So if you’ve had a long hard day, just come on back and walk down these friendly halls.
So warm and inviting!
Collapse into your lumpy bed complete with an itchy wool blanket, fiddle with the heater/cooler even though it’ll make no difference, and settle into a fitful sleep as you listen the one working fridge leak water onto the stained carpets.
All this can be yours for this astonishing price!
(We did NOT pay that. I would like you to know this one serious fact!)

I don’t even want to know what a two-star “hotel” looks like.
BUT WAIT! There’s more! 
Other amenities you can enjoy include massages at a local spa down the street!
Aaah, so relaxi…..wait….
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER FACE????
This tour has been brought to you by Becki.

Please return tomorrow for happier, prettier pictures and experiences.

4 Comments

Filed under hotel, Indio, massage, motel, Napoleon Dynamite, Preston, space heater, threadbare sheets, what is wrong with her face, wool blankets

4 Responses to Welcome to Indio!

  1. Anonymous

    Horrific. That's a place I'd worry about bed bugs biting, and sneaking into your suitcase.

    The woman in the spa picture looks like she could be an extra on "CSI Preston".

  2. WillJogForFood

    OH NO! I stayed at a place similar to that once in North Carolina…never again!

  3. Pingback: Joie de Vivre! | Bites 'n Brews

  4. Hmm, I don’t think the woman in the massage photo is enjoying the massage! Did you even try it? I would be scared if I ever see that in the advert!

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