Have you ever had one of those encounters with someone that leaves you completely freaked out? I have!
Sometimes, I just create creepy moments.
Cuz I CAN, that’s why!
Creepy Encounter #1:
Black Friday, 4am. Guy walks into store with a bunch of friends, all eyes bloodshot to high heaven. Guy smiles at me, I smile back so as to not seem like I’m enraged that I’m working at 4am. Guy sidles (yes, sidles) over to me, still smiling in a creeper-fashion.
Guy: (Reaching out his hand) Hi, I’m Markus.
Me: (Shaking his hand, avoiding the temptation to crush his fingers) Hi, I’m Becki.
Markus: Do you have a boyfriend, Becki?
Markus: Can I have your number anyway?
Me: No. Thanks, though! (See how I refrained from complete evility? No, evility is not a word. Yes, I’m still using it in my grammarific blog.)
Creepy Encounter #2:
Since we’re on the subject of weird guys, here’s another lovely anecdote.
Guy: (After making really awkward small talk as I helped him select cologne.) So… do you have a boyfriend?
Guy: That’s okay, I can share.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
Creepy Encounter #3:
A new coworker walks over to me as I stand at my counter.
Coworker: I Googled you.
Coworker walks away. I suppress a shiver of fear.
Creepy Encounter #4:
I tend to speed-walk through the mall. No reason except that once you’ve worked in a mall, you don’t want to spend any more time than necessary passing by all of the stores. Anyway, back to the encounter.
(I walk by the jewelry store on my way to gorge myself on See’s.)
Jewelry man: (Literally sprinting after me, and with a French accent) Why? Why is you walks so fast?
Me: Um, I’m in a hurry?
Jewelry man: (Chuckling as he walks to back to his store) Oh!! Zis is why you walks fast. I understand now.
(This might be more of an awkward encounter, rather than creepy, but I decided to cover all my bases.)
Creepy Encounter #5:
Girl walks up to Windsor window and begins inexplicably chuckling to herself.
Girl takes camera out of her purse and takes a picture of the store window.
Girl gets home and posts picture to her blog.
My friend Jazzlyn is a model extraordinaire! I love stumbling across her ads. They’re EVERYWHERE!!!
And yes, in case you were wondering, creepy encounter #5 was me.
Creepy Encounter #6:
My lovely mom took me out to lunch at Lazy Dog
today. The salad dressing had been stepped in by a dog. A very, Lazy Dog. (Cue the painful groans.)
Ugh, my joke is so bromidic even I’M disgusted with myself.
Moving on. We split an appetizer of spicy edamame.
I had a Mediterranean pizzetti. De-luscious!
I don’t think I’ve ever had a complaint when it comes to Dogfish Head, especially now that they have their show Brew Masters
! (Thanks for letting me know about that, Heather!)
Thank you for putting up with my random post and horrible grammar and words that aren’t real words.
Disclaimer: No animals, living or stuffed, were harmed in the writing of this blog.